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Future Love Paradise |
Jokes, links, and stuff in here!
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Killer |
Well, y'all know that sometimes I get some crazy emails from my friends and there are a couple that have stuck with me and I gotta love 'em. Soooo...Here we go.
 Enjoy. (Just so ya know, some of these may not be suitable for kids. hehe.)MARRIAGE FROM THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW: Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not." (DARN SHE'S GOOD!) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband--Stiff At Last.'" (HE ASKED FOR IT!) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!) THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." (MEN ARE NOT EQUIPPED FOR THESE KINDS OF CONTESTS) A man walks up to a woman in her office every day, stands very close to her, inhales a big breath of air through his nose and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore and takes her complaint to a supervisor in HR. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what her co-worker does and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The HR Supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replied... It's Keith, the midget! "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Teresa |
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Future Love Paradise |
lol they are good luv sue xx
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Loneliest Star |
LOVE the midget 1... HAHAHA too dam funny
Thanks Kristina Dan xxxxxxxxxx "What you do speaks so loudly i can not hear what you say" Ralph Waldo Emerson If nobodys perfect, and im nobody, does that mean im perfect? "I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” --The Notebook |
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Going to the area of "Casey Jones" the railroad engineer, Check out some Memphis Bar-B-Que, and ride a train in Branson...might go to a Cavern too...Yippieeee;O) Future Love Paradise  |
Hahaha...  Janet
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Bring It On |
LOL, thanks Kristina
LOL, I just saw this spoof on some comedy show on Comedy Central last week.  One Love Lynnette ******* "Life is a Song Worth Singing" |
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Killer |
Ok, I've got more...yes, already...but this time it's those really cheesey pick up lines that we all love so much.
1. “Is it hot in here, or is it just you?” 2. “If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?” 3. “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!” 4. -“Did it hurt?” -“What?” -“When you fell from Heaven.” 5. “I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?” 6. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “U” and “I” together.” 7. -“Would you care for some sex and pizza?” -”(A likely unfavorable response)” -“What’s the matter, don’t you like pizza?” 8. “Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” 9. “Your father must’ve been an astronaut, because your butt is out of this world.” 10. “If one of your legs was Thanksgiving and the other was Christmas, could we meet between the holidays?” 11. "You must be a broom because you're sweeping me off my feet." 12. "Do you have a license? Because you're driving me crazy." 13. "I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade." 14. "Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here." 15. "Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers." 16. "Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas." 17. "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" 18. "Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?" 19. "I'm glad I brought my library card cause I'm about to check you out!" Hehe, they're SO corney, but they always make me laugh. I hope they make y'all laugh too. (Wow FC, great idea for a Laughs thread!) Kristina "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Teresa |
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Future Love Paradise |
cool keep em comin !!
im useless i cant ever remember jokes  too much for my brain to contain and i always fluff the punch line. i will try to get some from my bros on the weekend but i'll have to write em down.lol as long as they have got any that are postable..  luv sue xx |
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Administrator Future Love Paradise  |
Effie and I were having lunch at a rastaurant and I asked the back waiter if the tea was sweetened. He replied, "You mean with sugar or something"? At that point I looked into the camera expressionless...
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Going to the area of "Casey Jones" the railroad engineer, Check out some Memphis Bar-B-Que, and ride a train in Branson...might go to a Cavern too...Yippieeee;O) Future Love Paradise |
Is that what you would call a Dumbwaiter? hahaha, Janet 
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Love's Divine |
@ Kristina...you had me rolling on the floor with this list. I have not heard of many of them...too funny...need to remember (maybe I should write them down) some of them and use it myself out there...LOL!!!
@ Michael...my son and I had a waiter a while back who basically asked the same thing...and my son said out loud: "DUHHH-UUUH!!!" I could not control myself...I laughed so hard...I had tears rolling down my face and the poor waiter just stood there...LOL!!! |
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Oh SNAP!! Love's Divine  |
One of my favorite links
30 second films re-enacted by bunnies http://www.angryalien.com/ Feature film is Pulp Fiction Viewer discretion is advised! Contains bunnies cussing and bunnies in adult situations. Also these 30 second films reenacted by bunnies The Exorcist The Shining TitanicAlien Jaws Its a wonderful life Freddy vs. Jason ScreamTexas Chainsaw Massacre **edit** Guess I kinda messed up a little here's Scream http://www.angryalien.com/0605/screambuns.asp here's Titanic http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html -BOS This message has been edited. Last edited by: babesofsteel, ---------------------------- "don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining" |
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Future Love Paradise |
i didnt get to watch them all yet but they are good. my son will love them and the saying " bitch be cool" i will stay with me forever lol thanks babes luv sue xx
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Future Love Paradise |
mmmmm been a while since we had some laughs and stuff ( I think) round here. But you all laugh alot anyway I know.
Anywho, many of you may know when it comes to this chat, winking, internet dialog stuff I am still green and many ways hope to remain so. I was looking to increase my knowledge of this lingo when I ran across this. I particully like the BlockHead Smiley... made me laugh so hard. Don't be suprised if you see me using it alot (only in relation to me mind you). LOL!!! Sidenote: When I first came here I thought LOL meant Lot's Of Love. I still prefer that actually. So with that LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.cg.tuwien.ac.at/~helwig/smileys.html |
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Crazy |
Guy working away calls home ..."Hi baby" he says to the little girl ..."Hi Daddy" ...
"Wheres Mummy?" ......."Oh She's upstairs with Uncle Frank!" "What ?.........What are they doing?!" "I"m not sure but he is laughing and Mummy sure is making some funny sounds!" "Baby do Daddy a favour....... go to the bottom of the stairs and shout that you've just seen Daddy walking up the street with his luggage!" "OK Daddy............... .....I did that Daddy and Mummy has just jumped in the swimming pool and Uncle Frank is ripping up your prize roses!" "Swimming pool??? Prize roses?????......IS THIS 6653745????????" Love,love,love Sketch! |
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Future Love Paradise |
fast the smileys are cool and sketch nice one luv sue xx
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Life's what you make of it This Could Be Heaven  |
LOL! That's a good joke Sketch!"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve" - Napoleon Hill |
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Going to the area of "Casey Jones" the railroad engineer, Check out some Memphis Bar-B-Que, and ride a train in Branson...might go to a Cavern too...Yippieeee;O) Future Love Paradise |
I love the smiley's 0:-) Love, Janet |
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Crazy |
Thanks Tom!
love,love,love Sketch! |
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Future Love Paradise |
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy! Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management. Peace and Love Rita Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. |
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